


Two Hands Entwined

by Moshi516



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 02:17:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17889617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moshi516/pseuds/Moshi516
Summary: He was thankful of the lessons that life has taught him and how it had changed him and his perspective and priorities.





	Two Hands Entwined

**Author's Note:**

> Some snippets of rl combined with massive dose of imaginations. Inspired by Kanjani8's Futatsu Te to Te lyrics, Ryo and Ohkura's coincidentally having day off on the same day in February, their Jweb word that they post on the same day about "living today to the fullest".
> 
> Ryo perspective.

**Two Hands Entwined**

His partner and him are two very different individuals with interests and preferences being at the opposite ends of each others’ spectrum. Over the years, such matters sometimes became a source of petty arguments while some other times, it becomes a saving grace. There had been a few years where they had broke up with each other too over the differences. During those years, they were forced to admit to society’s perception that couples who are vastly different from each other tend to not last long compared to couples who have similar hobbies or interests. After countless of fights over really silly things, they decided to end it for good before they start to hate each other.

But within those few years, shitloads of things have happened. His partner got injured and then got better and then getting a disease that forced him to be absent from the final day of their concert in 2016. It had been hard to pull a calm façade till the very end because the truth is, they only know the latest development of their fellow member’s situation right before the encore. At the beginning, before the concert start, the physician who is treating that member of theirs told them the lists of tests that need to be done to determine how severe the situation of their member is and how it’s possible to need a surgery and urgency of not delaying the tests and the impossibility of allowing their fellow member to perform first before those tests. At first Ohkura was stubborn about wanting to perform but when the doctor harshly but matter of factly told him that, once his intestine rupture, he could even die, all of them shut up and Ohkura finally admit defeat.

They went on to perform while thinking in the back of their mind the tests that Ohkura is currently going through and the thoughts that sticks to Ryo’s mind the most while performing was that he wants to hold Ohkura’s hand through all that. But Ohkura eventually got better and that thought got pushes to the deepest recess of Ryo’s mind again. And then Yasu revealed the diagnosis of his brain tumor and the surgery he needed to do in order to live. And the year after that, Yasu fractured his back during one of his fainting episodes and Ryo started to realize again and again how fleeting and unpredictable life actually is. Over the years, the injuries and the illnesses that hits one member after another had probably made everybody think a lot about life and their personal desires. And everybody came to a different conclusion.

And that is how Subaru decide to pursue the ambition that he desires the most while life still allows him to, while he still have the chance, and Ryo admired his strength and courage for that, he really do. Because he, still don’t have the courage to pursue what his heart desire most even when he knows that is what he wants. Besides, he didn’t even have the chance to think much about it with planning the tour around Subaru’s leaving, around Yasu’s illness and injury, around their group work and his personal work. He was not even aware that they all had been sucked dry and empty from the whole experience that the moment they get to breathe again after the Fukuoka final concert ends, their physical and mental exhaustion caught up to them.

And the next thing that hit them was the stalking issue and next the diagnosis of Ohkura’s mental health. Throughout the months Ohkura keeps on getting illness with no physical causes and they were exhausted from all of the tests and Ohkura being driven to the edge by the unexplained pain he was in. Until the physician cautiously suggest that Ohkura try mental examinations to get to the root cause of the issue. Cautiously, because this whole meeting psychiatrist thing is still not a popular thing in this country and still gives the stigma of you being made to feel like you’re out of your mind. But Ohkura was past that point of thinking what people think of him already and say yes to it. And that is how the diagnosis of his poor physical health was all due to his poor mental state.

And the thoughts and desire to stay by Ohkura side more than just as a friend and bandmate return to Ryo’s mind with a vengeance. But he’s afraid that if he approach Ohkura at this point, he’d be just taking advantage to Ohkura’s current vulnerable condition and there’s no way he’d allow himself to do that to someone he treasures above himself. And so he tried his best to maintain a safe distance between him and Ohkura while giving his support as much as he could in that distance he put himself in. Until one day Yasu invited him out for a meal and Ryo somehow just know that it’s about Ohkura. Ill or not, injured or not, Yasu had always been fiercely protective of Ohkura since they were kids and Ohkura reciprocated that feeling in a more subtle but not less passionate way. Ryo always sometimes wondered how they don’t just end up falling for each other instead with how much similar they are to each other.

The meal starts light and was in a relaxed paced until they had finished most of their food and Yasu, being the ever honest and straightforward person as he is, set the topic to the very thing he wanted to say the most. And Ryo returned home churning Yasu’s words over and over again in his head. It’s words that Ryo had seen Yasu written in his own Jweb too but to hear from Yasu’s mouth in front of him feels somehow different and a lot more raw. Yasu told him how over these two years, he realize how real death actually is and how it knocks at your door really unpredictably. And while he was bedridden for 6 months, more than the thoughts of there’s so many things that he wanted to do but haven’t done yet, his strongest thought was of how, like him, everybody’s else life and body was equally unpredictable too and he came to a conclusion that it’d be one of the biggest regret for him if the life the people he cares about ended before he manage to love them so fully and completely every single day of their life before that.

Throughout the conversation, the only few times Yasu said Ohkura’s name is when he look straight into Ryo’s eyes and said, “I know Ohkura will never make the first move so I’m asking you instead, will you have no regrets if this goes on this way?” but Ryo somehow knew the whole conversation is about Ohkura anyway.

Ryo felt a headache building at the back of his eyes and he sighed and told Yasu that it’s not easy. Yasu gave an amused smirk and said, “Of course I know it’s not easy. It’s Ohkura we’re talking about right? It might have been much easier to deal with a landmines compared to caring for him sometimes.”

And Yasu is right. Not that Ryo doubted his words but throughout the years he set the careful distances between him and Ohkura, he forgot how hard it is for Ohkura to accept people’s care for him. He’s a fiercely independent and kind soul that the thing he always fear the most is to give trouble to other people. But through Ryo’s patience, (and oh it had been hard because patience is not exactly one of Ryo’s virtue but eventually, he find himself changing too and he grows older) they eventually got together, again. And Ryo realized that this time around, their priorities and their perspective had changed compared to how they first got together when they were younger.

They still do have their arguments, of course. No matter how much they have changed throughout the years, the two of them are still, two very different individuals. But they learn to talk through it and make adjustment or some other times, they eventually learn to just laugh it off and accepted it as it is. They come to learn that they’re not the fairy tale soulmate whose soul are half of each other and comes into completion only when they are together. They are two individuals with complete souls of their own who makes each other feel stronger and better by being together. They’re good alone but they’re better together.

And good times more often than not never seem to last for long. As they approach the year end, with how busy they all are and how much responsibility Ohkura shoulder with not only their Kanjani8 activities but also Kansai jrs activities, his health deteriorates again and he hurt his waist again. And from the SNS, he saw how some of the watchers noticed how awkward was Ohkura walking during Kohaku and the presence of the corset on his waist. But he felt better after that with all the adrenaline rushing in his veins from performing. And the next thing they all know, Ohkura fell down the stairs after their performance at Johnny’s Countdown and hurt his rib, his arm and broke his leg.

And that is how Ryo get to witness the biggest fight between Ohkura and Yasu he ever seen in his life. After the whole treatment was completed, Ryo had brought Ohkura back to Ohkura’s home and decided to stay there for the time being. An environment that Ohkura is familiar with is always a better option anyway and also, Ryo has to admit that Ohkura’s home is less hazardous that his own home due to Ohkura’s neat freak tendency. Yasu had came to check on Ohkura after Hatsumode ends and Ryo told Yasu about Ohkura wanting to go straight to Osaka the next day for Kansai jrs concert and Yasu then just explode with anger that it left Ryo gaping. Tired from the whole day’s worth of performances and injuries, Ohkura snaps back and Ryo thought it was such a bizarre experience to see two of the most level headed members in his group screaming at each other like that.

Yasu pulls the hypocrisy card at Ohkura for forcing him to be taken care even when Ohkura don’t seem to even take care of himself at all and Ohkura pulls the same card back at Yasu.

The whole thing die down to an uncomfortable silence after Ohkura said, “Why are you allowed to do something like the concert tour at the risk of yourself because you don’t want to have regrets while I’m not allowed to do the concert for the juniors even when I don’t want to end up having such regrets?”

“Yasu, I want to do this. This is something that I will regret not doing if I die before doing it.”

And Yasu left right after that and Ohkura fights off the urge to cry. Ryo’s hand shook from the sheer desire to hug Ohkura but over the years, he know how Ohkura tends to get combative when you tried to comfort him when he’s in such state so Ryo just quietly made two cups of tea (because hell, he love Ohkura but he’d still never drink coffee nonetheless), and put one in front of Ohkura on the living room table as he sat quietly next to Ohkura and drink. Eventually, he felt Ohkura scooting closer to him and without words, he laid the cup onto the table and held Ohkura’s hand.

Somehow, Yasu’s words did makes Ohkura reconsider nonetheless and Ohkura decided to go to Osaka on 3rd January instead where he’d have around 2 days of rest first. Of course that is not before Yokoyama-kun promising to send him the video of 2 days rehearsals of Kansai juniors that he missed. Ohkura then checked the adjustment needed from the video and conveyed it to Yokoyama-kun who then conveyed it to the necessary people in Osaka Jo Hall.

It all ended smoothly in the end and as time pass, Ohkura gradually got better. It took a few weeks but the relationship between Ohkura and Yasu gradually got better too as they come to see each other’s perspective on the matter they were fighting about. And from Ryo’s third person point of view, he come to realize that no matter how close and similar you are like Yasu and Ohkura, there’d be times too when you don’t have the same opinion and that is okay. And it makes Ryo reflects all over again on those days when Ohkura and him got together for the first time and struggles to make themselves as similar to each other in taste, in way of thinking and lifestyle and just eventually burn out from the effort because they are way too different.

And so while Ryo is not exactly thankful that his members had to went through those various illnesses and injuries, he was thankful of the lesson those times gave him and how they make him learn the actual priorities in his life. Because those times makes him appreciate days like this where he get to lie down on bed with Ohkura doing nothing while Ohkura was still sleeping with the sound of the washing machine that Ryo started was buzzing in the background and the remaining meal that Ohkura was preparing last night sat ready to be heated in the freezer. On such a rare day off like this, the young Ryo would be thrumming with the energy to move around since dawn already and would find all this to be a waste of time but now, he learns that being alive today is sometimes good enough at living today to the fullest too. He now learns that feeling the heat of someone you love in your arms, holding his hand in yours is living today to the fullest too.

And he’s okay with that. Because life is unpredictable but he still have today, THEY still have today to appreciate each other.

_嵐の中でも　傍にいられたらいいや_

_厳しい現実も　となりで味わえりゃいいな_

_10_ _年先に向かって_ _…_ _何十年経ったって_ _…_

_静かに重なる　ふたつ手と手_

_Even in the midst of storm, it’s okay if you’re by my side_

_Even in the midst of harsh reality, it’s okay if you’re going through it together with me_

_10 years from now, and the many years that have passed_

_Quietly overlapping, our two hands are entwined_

(Kanjani8- Futatsu te to te)

End


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